As I looked out in the direction of my all, I noticed something moving in my direction. I was a bright light with brilliance unclouded, Unclearing. I said to my next self, ‘Look, it is a God.’ Coming to see me. I greeted the being and asked why it was here. My 144,000,000 selves were standing in perfect harmony. All look at us. There were parts of my total self. He said it was time once again to return to Earth—a possible prison planet for those with loose screws and other mental and spiritual conditions. Physicalness was no longer critical. We all had agreed to be as we were—a Larger self of our smaller selves. I had no emotional attachment to this trip, but I knew it was vital. The time had come to complete the overall plan that God had decided. I would once again be paired with my favorite Earthling and fellow 8-time twin. I was whisked away without any interruption. The light god directed me to a tunnel of light, and as my twin arrived, he stopped me after he had let me into the tunnel. He whispered into my ear a commandment. Then, without warning, a third being shot by us both behind my twin. I followed in pursuit. Then I realized it was a birth channel, and suddenly I was pushed out as a new baby. Lonnie Darell Harris, as he would be named, was born prematurely and came out second. The middle being was a ghost rider—one who enters the womb at birth without taking a body. Lonnie had a 1% chance of survival, and I had a 5% chance. But we were lucky. A new hospital had just been opened for women with pregnancy trouble by Dr. Colman, who had lost his own daughter in childbirth. They saved us both that Saturday at 6:30 and 6:33 AM on August 1, 1953. Both are named 666. Lonnie Darell Harris and Donnie Harold Harris. You will see why that is an essential part of the story later. We were born with something called TTT, Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome. He went to an ICU and had a life-changing blood transfusion from a Black American Lady. He was saved. After a few months, we would be reunited. I thought I had killed my old friend. We went to stay at our dad’s brother’s house, where the troubles all started. I would not even be old enough to roll over when I was sexually assaulted by a teenage boy who was a first cousin. Never allow a male to babysit a baby. Then my other cousin was inappreciative of me and did sexual stuff with us both. This was when we were in the first grade, and I was in the second grade: two molesters and one uncle who liked to show me his dick, hard, but never touched me. My mother was a teenager when she had us. She was 19 and turned 20 the next day. I was her 7th child, 4th son. She was molested at 12, had a child when she was 13, and then had a total of 10 children before she was 23. One brother passed away at 6 months old from pneumonia after a broken window in our house in the wintertime. After being serially molested by Ronnie, a first cousin, we went through the courts to live with our dad, who was going to get married in a year to Larry, a German Jew, and a stepmother. We were pathetic little boys having to eat dog food to survive at this house. Then they were allowed to marry, and we moved up the street from Heaven on Earth. Or at least I thought it was. It was the largest church I had ever seen—Sacred Heart Catholic Church in Indianapolis’ south side. Every first weekend, we got up and went outside and played kick the can. We had no toys and a few marbles. But we had plenty of cans. Our orders are not to cross any street. We were nine. It was easter weekend and we were high on our new life. Then tragedy hit. We kicked the can south down a street to an open parking lot of the Sacred Heart Catholic Church. We were high as we had ever been, so free, and God loved us. He surely did. We had a new mom, a new house, and our dad had a job. Then we spotted two gloryist priests appear to be floating in the air, coming toward us from this church, unlike any I had seen. They were highly animated. They were furious and told us to stop making so much noise on a Saturday morning between Good Friday and easter. They were dressed as gods with robes, hats, and everything that we could dream they would be wearing. When we told them we had no toys and no friends, they asked us if we had ever been bowling. We were boys living in the lowest forms of poverty, of course, we had not. So they took us by the hands, my twin and I, to go bowling. Whatever that was. I was still larger than Lonnie, and we looked like older and younger brothers because of his birth defects. I had felt an overwhelming need to protect him. I felt a survivor’s grief from taking all the food in the womb. I had forgotten my prebirth encounter and was in grief. The two priests took us to the bowling alley in the basement and had us take our shoes off to go bowling. I then noticed holes in my socks and my shoes. He said that they had children’s clothes to give us. Spit us up, then had me take my socks off, my t-shirt, and finally my underwear. He asked me if I had ever had a medical exam. Telling me he was a medical doctor as well as a priest. He then proceeded to examine me and stuck something in my butt hole. I had a nurse feel my ball sack once and thought it was normal. Then I realized my twin was missing and I began to panic. We were united and taken out the door, but we never got to bowl. Self-awareness

The text describes a vivid and unusual personal narrative, blending elements of spiritual journey, pre-birth memory, challenging early life experiences, and deeply disturbing encounters. Here’s a summary of the key events and themes:

Pre-Birth and Birth:

• The narrator recounts a pre-birth experience where they, along with “144,000,000 selves,” encounter a divine being. [0]
• This being directs the narrator to return to Earth, described as a “possible prison planet.” [0]
• The narrator is “paired with my favorite Earthling and fellow 8-time twin.” [0]
• They enter a “tunnel of light,” and a third being, a “ghost rider,” shoots past them into the birth channel. [0]
• The narrator is then born prematurely as Donnie Harold Harris, followed by their twin, Lonnie Darell Harris, who is also premature. [0]
• They are born with Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTT). [0]
• A new hospital specializing in high-risk pregnancies, founded by Dr. Colman, saves them despite very low chances of survival. [0]
• Lonnie receives a life-saving blood transfusion from a Black American woman. [0] 

Early Childhood Trauma and Family Life:

• After a period of separation, the twins are reunited and go to live with their paternal uncle. [0]
• The narrator describes being sexually assaulted by a teenage cousin and later by another cousin. [0]
• An uncle is also mentioned for inappropriate behavior. [0]
• The narrator’s mother is described as a teenager when she had them, having been molested at a young age herself, and having many children quickly. [0]
• One brother died in infancy from pneumonia due to a broken window. [0]
• After the molestations, the boys go through the courts to live with their father. [0]
• They endure a period of poverty, even eating dog food. [0]
• Their father marries Larry, a German Jew, described as a stepmother. [0]

The Church Encounter and Further Trauma:

• They move near Sacred Heart Catholic Church in Indianapolis. [0]
• During Easter weekend, while playing outside, they encounter two priests from the church. [0]
• The priests, initially seeming kind, invite the boys to go bowling since they have no toys. [0]
• At the bowling alley, one priest, claiming to be a doctor, has the narrator remove their clothes under the pretense of a medical exam and proceeds to sexually assault them. [0]
• The narrator realizes their twin is missing during this time. [0]
• The encounter ends with them being united and taken out, but they never got to bowl. [0]

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deep dive

The narrative you’ve provided is a powerful and personal account of a life marked by both extraordinary and traumatic experiences. Let’s delve deeper into some key aspects:

1. The Pre-Birth Experience and Identity

The opening segment describing a pre-birth encounter with a divine being, a large number of “selves” in harmony, and the decision to return to Earth, is a unique spiritual or philosophical perspective. This element sets a foundation for a life with a perceived purpose or destiny, even if later events challenge this. The idea of being “Larger self of our smaller selves” could be interpreted in a few ways:

• Spiritual Unity: It suggests a connection to a higher consciousness or a collective soul before entering physical form.
• Reincarnation or Past Lives: The “8-time twin” implies a recurring connection with the same soul across multiple lives.
• Metaphorical Representation: It could also be a way of understanding the interconnectedness of all beings or aspects of one’s own being. 

The mention of Earth as a “possible prison planet for those with loose screws and other mental and spiritual conditions” hints at a challenging journey ahead, almost anticipating the difficulties the narrator would face.

2. The Birth Trauma and Early Medical Challenges

The twins’ premature birth with Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS) highlights the severe medical challenges faced in 1953.

• TTTS is a serious condition in which abnormal blood vessel connections in the shared placenta cause one twin to receive too much blood (recipient) and the other too little (donor).
• Management options today include expectant management (close monitoring), amnioreduction (removing excess fluid), and fetoscopic selective laser ablation (sealing off the problematic blood vessels).
• In cases of severe TTTS, especially later in pregnancy, early delivery may be an option, but the effects of the syndrome can persist and require neonatal intensive care. 

The story emphasizes the rarity and severity of their survival, attributing it to a new hospital and a dedicated doctor. The life-changing blood transfusion for Lonnie further underscores the medical fragility of their early lives.

3. The Number 666 and Its Significance

The narrator explicitly links their birth to the number 666, stating “Both are named 666. Lonnie Darell Harris and Donnie Harold Harris. You will see why that is an essential part of the story later.” This suggests a deeper, possibly symbolic, meaning within the narrative framework. In some belief systems, the number 666 is associated with negative or demonic connotations. However, in this narrative, it appears to be linked to their unique survival and a potentially important role they are meant to play. 

4. The Impact of Childhood Sexual Abuse

The descriptions of sexual abuse at a very young age are deeply disturbing and highlight a tragic reality faced by many children.

• The abuse from family members (cousins and uncle) is particularly devastating, as it involves a betrayal of trust and safety within the family unit.
• Research on the impact of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) confirms its potential for severe and lasting effects on physical and mental health, as well as on later relationships and sexual adjustment.
• Victims may experience post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression, anxiety, and difficulties trusting adults.
• The effects can vary depending on factors such as the age at which the abuse occurred, its severity and duration, the relationship with the perpetrator, and the level of support received.
• Some studies suggest that the earlier the abuse starts, the more severe and long-lasting it is, the greater the likelihood of developing PTSD symptoms.
• CSA can also lead to changes in brain structure and function, impacting areas involved in emotional regulation and memory. 

The narrator’s experience of eating dog food suggests a period of extreme hardship and neglect after the abuse. This further compounds the trauma and challenges faced by the young boys. 

5. The Encounter with the Priests and the Sacred Heart Catholic Church

The narrative introduces a significant element of irony and betrayal with the encounter with the priests at the Sacred Heart Catholic Church.

• The church is initially presented as a place of hope and newfound freedom, creating a sharp contrast with the subsequent abuse that takes place within its context.
• The priests, initially appearing as benevolent figures offering to take the boys bowling, become the perpetrators of a medical examination that turns into sexual assault.
• The revelation that one priest claimed to be a medical doctor adds another layer of betrayal and manipulation, using authority and perceived trust to facilitate the abuse.
• The historical context of the Catholic Church’s sexual abuse crisis, particularly in Indianapolis, adds a somber resonance to this part of the story. According to the Archdiocese of Indianapolis, in October 2018, the Archdiocese of Indianapolis released a list of clergy members credibly accused of sexual abuse, some of whom were active in the 1940s and 1950s. NUVO.net notes that some of these claims were made after the priests were deceased. 

This encounter leaves a profound mark, shattering any sense of safety or innocence the boys might have held, and leaving them with a deeply painful memory connected to a place of supposed sanctity.

In conclusion, the narrative is a deeply personal and emotionally charged story. It weaves together elements of spiritual exploration, the fight for survival against medical odds, and the lasting impact of profound trauma, particularly from sexual abuse and the betrayal of trust within family and institutional settings. The details provided paint a picture of a difficult childhood journey, leaving the reader to ponder the deeper implications of the experiences described. 

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Elaborate on the link between the narrator’s pre-birth experiences and later life events

What broader societal issues of the 1950s might have contributed to the narrator’s trauma?

How did Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome impact the twins?